I think i sorta joined a cult last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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