It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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