Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone signed my nipple.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
