I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
