exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
