Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
