i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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