he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
