i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No stitches, just platelets and will power
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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