Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
