That's intense
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize