haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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