ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize