if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
