Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
