If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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