then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
