Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize