Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
