I cannot find my penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
