listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
