Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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