i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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