nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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