your parents love me but you hate me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i love accidental penises.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize