What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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