If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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