i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dicks are not precious.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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