doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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