Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
