Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
