low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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