hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
