five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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