wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
