How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
