I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
