I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
