We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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