you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
