I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
