I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
