either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
