OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
