haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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