i think i have herpe
just one?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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