The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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