If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
