i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
