Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
