he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
