I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
