i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize