**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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