R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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