hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
