just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
