I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
