Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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