your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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