Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
