i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize