Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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