I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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