I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
