Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
