My pussy is not your playground.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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