i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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