I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
