so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
