my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
