So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
