in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
