I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
