i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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