And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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