ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no, he came in my armpit
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
